chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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