I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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