oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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