Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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