You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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