There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
