Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Randomize
