I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
