You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Are my feet made of real feet?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Randomize
