if i can run in heels then i can drive
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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