This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I am available for nakedness
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
