I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
