There was a lot of him and a little penis
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
When are your genitals available?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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