he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
