I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
