I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize