ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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