I cockslap morals
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
