He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
