the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
