dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
