Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
