I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
