I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
