Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
