Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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