I think scott just propositioned me for sex
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Randomize
