something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
