Are we in a gay sports bar?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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