I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
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