...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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