I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
