your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
