I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
