my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
