i think my tv is drunk
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
