Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
