worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
