alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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