I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Terrible idea I love it
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Randomize
