just come out here and I will go home with you...
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
