I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
