I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
