I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
