Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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