I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
