Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize