I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
