And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
