3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
