If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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