help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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