My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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