If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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