i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
