peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
