Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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