I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
