Just cropdusted the office
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
