I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
