Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
