You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
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