All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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