It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
