I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
