Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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